all about thoughts on love - the feelings and emotions that come along with it...
the pain and joy that we are willing to experience ...
this is my world...this is the world i love...it is a world with no boundaries save the limits of my imagination and my conscience...my world is what i choose to make it...my world is yesterday...or today...or tomorrow...this is my world...a world of dreams and realities...this is my truth...color my world with LUV
Somewhere you are but I may never find you... Midst the sea of nameless faces, I search for that familiar face which haunts my dreams and reveries...a face that's etched within my mind...a face that would not leave my heart...I would gaze deeply in a stranger's eyes...hoping that I would find within the reflection of my soul...and as each intimate stranger touch my life I pray that it would be the last... In my endless quest and aimless wanderings, somewhere you are... But I may never find you...
funny how it frightens me to lose you...funny how the thought terrifies me...ridiculous and absurd, absolutely insane...for how can i ever lose you when i don't have you...
i have always watched you through someone else's eyes...i studied every gesture you did...i followed every move you made...i gazed at you for hours and hours on end...
i have always touched you with someone else's hands...i gently ran my fingers through your hair...caressed your face as i drew you near...felt your warmth against my skin...
i have always heard you through someone else's ears...i listened to every word you said...i hang on to every breath, to every sigh, to every sound you made...
i have always loved you through someone else's kiss...i tasted how it was to be your bliss...
but you will never know that it was me...you will never love me the way i do...funny how it scares me to lose you...when i don't even have you...
searching for love...looking for love...finding love...
for most of us, it is our life's greatest challenge...to some, they have to pursue love to have it...while others wait for it...many have found it so easy...while to others it has become a lifetime quest...some kept the love they found...many have lost it...
but whether you have to search or to wait...whether love comes easy or it takes a long while...just hold on and enjoy the journey...eventually love will take you to where you belong...your heart will know when it's finally home...
my heart lets out a silent scream...trying to reach you...it's you and me in my mind lately...wish i don't have to think about it, any more than i have to...it's out of my control, though...you invade my thoughts at my worst times...flashes of things, things we talked about...i don't cry about it, far from it...i don't lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and ask it why...i don't ask questions...well, not anymore...but i think about it...i think about you...
i think of those times i shared my thoughts with you...with you who actually know what i mean...who read my mind and finish my phrases before i even have the chance to blurt them out...you don't find the things i say intriguing or strange...you feel them as i do...and most of all, more than anything, you understand and accept me the way i am...
in your most strange way, you taught me not to waste life...that no matter how bad things get, it isn't worth it...you made me see that there's still beauty left in places...that i just have to turn my head another angle to see it...sometimes, it's shattered like broken glass, but you showed me how to arrange it like a puzzle for it to make sense...for the picture to become clear...
even if i never hear your voice when i talk to you as i sit alone in my room, i still feel your lingering presence...you're always there in the deep recesses of my mind...and when the world is fast asleep, i am never alone...for you are always with me, my miracle find...always...
why do we love?...it's reassuring yet scary to think that we are ready to do everything...that we are willing to give everything for love...knowing it may not last...and then, maybe we have to hold on to pain...so we can let go...and start all over again...for that is the point of living...to know and feel that you loved...and that you've been loved...
everyone lost someone they loved...may it be to death or circumstances...everyone gets hurt...and the world has no obligation to protect us from pain...not because we are good...or kind-hearted...that we are going to be spared from hurts...or from being left behind or betrayed...it doesn't work that way...but still we choose to love again...you choose it over and over again...because if you don't it's as if you choose not to live...
so my journey continues...i will find you...you who have the courage to love again in spite of the hurts...you who are ready to risk everything...you who will give me the strength to fall in love again...you who understand what is in my heart...i will find you...even if there is no assurance that our story will end with "I LOVE YOU"...
There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret
I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?
just wondering...can life be lived without love?...or is there a way to love and not get hurt?...
I don't know...I just want to love and be loved...I want to trust someone with my deepest thoughts...share with someone intimate moments...I need someone to soothe my soul when I hurt...without even saying a word...just being there...I need someone to love me despite my flaws...and love someone back in spite of his...I want to be able to love when I am away...and when I am close...I want my love to give wings...not shackles and chains...I want to love always...for it is never an option for me not to acknowledge the presence of love...
Is there anyone there who understands?...to love or not to love, that is the question...what is your answer?...
don't give me empty words and promises...they are not what i need...if you want to give me your love, then do so completely...do not lend but a part of yourself whenever time permits...i need love which primes for deeper connection...i want all of your affection...not what is left from past affairs...not that which you give when you please...i want a love that is whole...that which emanates from the soul...i want someone who is factually true...with a kind of love happily exposed...not concealed nor supposed...i haven't time to play hide and seek...nor to decipher what one refuses to speak...i can't have one who is not sure...one who lives on the edge and is obscure...i need a lover who is willing to give each facet of life he lives...if you can love me like this, i'll give back endless bliss...i will treat you like royalty in return for your loyalty...each day will begin and the night will end with more pleasure than you can comprehend...for without the weight of worry or fear, my passion flows like a river so crystal clear...love me with the depths of you...and i will give the kind of love such as you never knew...together, we can share the joy of life in all ways...to last for the rest of our remaining days...
we often wonder if we'll ever meet our soulmates...or if the one we are with right now is the one meant for us...we keep on believing...we keep on searching for that twin soul...it almost becomes magical...that journey in finding our soulmates seems like a blanket of overwhelming adventure...the thought seems mysterious but tugs inspiringly at the heartstrings...
in those moments of yearning and longing, we ache to find that special someone...that someone who spells happiness...who can fill up our loneliness...who can end up our uncertainties...the one that complements us rather than completes us...
the question is: in this not so perfect world, how do we find our soulmate when we have no place to start and we have no hint at whom to look for?...are they also looking for us?...
there must be signs when we finally meet our soulmate, like a fairy tale coming alive...there would be sparks flying...butterflies in the stomach...stuttered sentences...ease of communication...physical attractions...love-at-first-sights...answered prayers...love remembered from dreams...
hmmmmm...a soulmate connection...
after some time of expedition...i think i'll settle for a chatmate...well, for a while...
somewhere you are...and I see you...but cannot address you as one to another...the person drawn to a person...I lose my speech...am powerless for all my boundless strength...I am stricken still even as I strain...could I resist you?...am I won't to remember you limned in the skyline of this grey morning?...in forgetting, could I forget you?...would I force myself as one beholden to the sun for strength to yearn for the moon...when in yearning I would reap only the night?...I would deceive myself and pass off the lie as icing that easily dissolves in heat...but even in deception a morsel of truth remains...that you hold me hopelessly enamored...a lump of putty in your hands...
somewhere you are and I see you...and cannot forget you...images of you in the morning sun...the tempest...the rainbow arching across the sky after an afternoon of rain...this longing must cease...this fever must cool...this madness of hurt feelings...this thirst...the sum of what must be unfolded so the spirit might be calmed...
I see you and I become mute...and what has been told remains untold...somewhere beyond the gloom this ceaseless striving and I am near death for sore want...somewhere, beneath the scarlet lips I cannot reach even in my outstretched longing, is your presence...the cooling lake...the passing breeze...the blue sky touching the sapphire water across the horizon...
somewhere out of this madness is my fear...the loneliness of empty nights...dreams which have no end...and a fever of molten regrets...
The night sets in and as I reach my room I hang up the smile I've worn all day. Tomorrow morning, it's the first thing I'll put back just in case it will be "the day".
I lay down in bed willing myself to sleep so my new day will hurry up and arrive. But as the world turn half way around, I think about him. It makes me smile, sometimes that smile turns into a giggle, and the giggle will turn into a burst of laughter.
And then there are times I get that lump in my throat and that tight feeling in my chest, and sometimes that feeling overwhelms me and begins to turn into a tear, and often that tear multiplies itself and breaks open the dam of emotions and I lose the battle.
Then somehow through either the joy or the sadness, I drift and find myself asleep. Then the dreams begin and keep me company until my new day arrives.
When I awake it's with such excitement! Because I tell myself this could be the day that every other day has led up to and the first day of the rest of my life. I quickly don my smile because I want him to see me at my very best. Then I look out the glass window even though I know it's still dawn, but I still have to confirm I've been given another chance to be with him.
Then I ask myself, "Is this the day?" And the excitement rushes over me again. "Where is it going to be?"
Will it be at the coffee shop with his frappuccino, oblivious to the world and lost in his book?
Will it be at the boardwalk where I would unexpectedly see his face amongst the crowd?
Or will it be at the parking area? The busy sidewalk? The convenient store?
So will today be "the day"? Will this finally be the day that I will not have to ever wait for another sunrise? Because whenever I want to see it, I only have to look at him and there it shall always be - in his eyes - and he will forever hold it for me.
H ow will this way of life be the same as it was A fter it has lost its reason for existence? N ever in my wildest dreams have i imagined Z est for life could begin and could easily wane. E verything that happened is not without meaning: L ife without our summer love is not worth living!
*rhyme was written in the early 80's
...that was a number of summers ago, when we first met...and i was so naive to think that love would never end and never hurt...that it would all be tenderness expressed by holding of hands and by the most gentle kisses...
...until that one fateful morning...i was sitting at the back pew when i saw you coming in at the side door...there was no mistaking that look of love in you eyes as you gazed at her...i thought i died!
...i left without saying a word...without saying goodbye...for i was not ready to let go then...but i have long forgiven...and i have forgotten all the pains...
it has been awhile since my thoughts wandered back to a half-forgotten, half-remembered past...memories of a distant past that brought me back to the days of poetic and untroubled gaiety...the same memories that once brought me tears...are now the same reason for the sweetest smile on my face...
will you give me today for reminiscing and reverie?...i just want to remember what it was and what it might have been...
how can i forget...
the morning hello's...no words spoken...just a glance...a certain look that conveyed that wishful longing...
the never-ending phone calls through our own private lines...dedicated lines for all those heart-to-heart and mind-to-mind conversations...
the late afternoon drives to that hidden road by the air strip...or to that grass covered diamond field...or to that abandoned old pit...
a hurried kiss...a warm embrace before the break of dawn...
will i ever forget?...
yet, if I have to live my life all over again, i would still choose to live it the same way...for despite the hurts, i was happy...and i know i would never have known such happiness without the pains...
i am happy...i chose this life...i chose this world...maybe...just maybe...if i would say it often enough, it will become my truth...
