Somewhere You Are...

Somewhere you are but I may never find you...

Midst the sea of nameless faces, I search for that familiar face which haunts my dreams and reveries...a face that's etched within my mind...a face that would not leave my heart...I would gaze deeply in a stranger's eyes...hoping that I would find within the reflection of my soul...and as each intimate stranger touch my life I pray that it would be the last...

In my endless quest and aimless wanderings, somewhere you are...

But I may never find you...

Today I sat and watched the waves

And watched the birds that flew

Today I sat and thought of life

And thought of life with you

Today I sat and thought of love

And thought of love for you

Today I sat and looked about

And looked about for you

Today I walked and walked about

I walked in search of you

Today I walked in search of love

In search of a dream come true

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Walk Away...

i imagine what it would be like to see you once again...

i wonder if you'd still look at me with some pain in your eyes...while i try hard to keep my feelings in disguise...maybe you'd say something funny just to break the ice...and maybe for a second i would be feigning surprise...

maybe we'd both fake a smile and say the appropriate lines...pretend everything is fine just like the good old times...

"hello sweetie, not happy to see me?"...you'll say as you grab me in a warm tight hug...

i'll probably hold on trying not to let go too soon..."it's good to see you, it's been quite a while"...

"so how have you been?...you changed a great deal!"...would i hear the same hint of concern?...

"i'm tired but i'm ok...but hey! you're looking fine"...

"life is good...i finally got my peace of mind"...

and that's when it will hit that you're over me...and all that are left now are bits of memories...i'll step back trying not to make it worse by saying another word...

"i have to go, maybe we should catch up another time"...at this point, i can't stop the tears running down my cheeks...i'll stand rooted to the spot...too shocked to move and falling apart...

"goodbye sweetie"...then you'll turn your back...

we'll both walk away...we'll try to spare each other pain...we'll try not to feel...pretend this is not real...until finally, silence moves in to save us from this hell...

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Au Revoir...

H ow will this way of life be the same as it was
A fter it has lost its reason for existence?
N ever in my wildest dreams have i imagined
Z est for life could begin and could easily wane.
E verything that happened is not without meaning:
L ife without our summer love is not worth living!

*rhyme was written in the early 80's

...that was a number of summers ago, when we first met...and i was so naive to think that love would never end and never hurt...that it would all be tenderness expressed by holding of hands and by the most gentle kisses...

...until that one fateful morning...i was sitting at the back pew when i saw you coming in at the side door...there was no mistaking that look of love in you eyes as you gazed at her...i thought i died!

...i left without saying a word...without saying goodbye...for i was not ready to let go then...but i have long forgiven...and i have forgotten all the pains...

...take care my friend...

...till we meet again...

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In Retrospect...

to drift in a train of thoughts...

afloat in a world of my choice...

to be where my heart desires...

to be where you are...

it has been awhile since my thoughts wandered back to a half-forgotten, half-remembered past...memories of a distant past that brought me back to the days of poetic and untroubled gaiety...the same memories that once brought me tears...are now the same reason for the sweetest smile on my face...

will you give me today for reminiscing and reverie?...i just want to remember what it was and what it might have been...

how can i forget...

the morning hello's...no words spoken...just a glance...a certain look that conveyed that wishful longing...

the never-ending phone calls through our own private lines...dedicated lines for all those heart-to-heart and mind-to-mind conversations...

the late afternoon drives to that hidden road by the air strip...or to that grass covered diamond field...or to that abandoned old pit...

a hurried kiss...a warm embrace before the break of dawn...

will i ever forget?...

yet, if I have to live my life all over again, i would still choose to live it the same way...for despite the hurts, i was happy...and i know i would never have known such happiness without the pains...

i am happy...i chose this life...i chose this world...maybe...just maybe...if i would say it often enough, it will become my truth...

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