Somewhere You Are...

Somewhere you are but I may never find you...

Midst the sea of nameless faces, I search for that familiar face which haunts my dreams and reveries...a face that's etched within my mind...a face that would not leave my heart...I would gaze deeply in a stranger's eyes...hoping that I would find within the reflection of my soul...and as each intimate stranger touch my life I pray that it would be the last...

In my endless quest and aimless wanderings, somewhere you are...

But I may never find you...

Today I sat and watched the waves

And watched the birds that flew

Today I sat and thought of life

And thought of life with you

Today I sat and thought of love

And thought of love for you

Today I sat and looked about

And looked about for you

Today I walked and walked about

I walked in search of you

Today I walked in search of love

In search of a dream come true

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I'm Scared to Lose You...

funny how it frightens me to lose you...funny how the thought terrifies me...ridiculous and absurd, absolutely insane...for how can i ever lose you when i don't have you...

i have always watched you through someone else's eyes...i studied every gesture you did...i followed every move you made...i gazed at you for hours and hours on end...

i have always touched you with someone else's hands...i gently ran my fingers through your hair...caressed your face as i drew you near...felt your warmth against my skin...

i have always heard you through someone else's ears...i listened to every word you said...i hang on to every breath, to every sigh, to every sound you made...

i have always loved you through someone else's kiss...i tasted how it was to be your bliss...

but you will never know that it was me...you will never love me the way i do...funny how it scares me to lose you...when i don't even have you... 

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A Dream...

...all that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream...

all but a dream!...should i be happy then?...that all the confusions in my mind are nothing but a dream...that all i have to do is wake up and dream another dream...take another shot at a brand new game...force myself to weave new thoughts and fantasies...conceive new lies and schemes...build new castles in the sky...fly high...until it's time to move on to dream another dream...

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Making Changes...

I will be making some major changes in my blog starting today. For a start, I already changed the blog url from luvafair.blogspot.com to lovethoughtsjoypain.blogspot.com. Testing the site using SEO for Chrome, the result shows the current ranking in Google at 0/10:

The most important and main challenge is to improve the Google PR of the site. :)

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Live Life...

sometimes we search so much for the right choices...for the right paths to walk through...for the right time...for the right person...and for the right reasons...but life isn't about searching for things that can be found....it's about letting the unexpected happen and finding things you never searched for...it's about meeting old people but making new conversations...walking through old roads but still feeling nice about it...meeting busy schedules but still finding time for old friends...realizing that you have grown a day older but still feeling young at heart...

live life while you still can...wake up each day and discover something new...and most of all, live for today and enjoy the moment...

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Your Song...

it's about time you sing your own song...

it's hard to sing your own song when everyone else wants you to sing theirs....friends and people around you can be full of advice about what you should do, when you should do it and how...but only you know exactly what's right for you...

listen to your heart...have faith and courage to sing your own song...for within you lies a very special music just waiting to be sung by you alone... 

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Quest for Love...

searching for love...looking for love...finding love...

for most of us, it is our life's greatest challenge...to some, they have to pursue love to have it...while others wait for it...many have found it so easy...while to others it has become a lifetime quest...some kept the love they found...many have lost it...

but whether you have to search or to wait...whether love comes easy or it takes a long while...just hold on and enjoy the journey...eventually love will take you to where you belong...your heart will know when it's finally home...

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Walk Away...

i imagine what it would be like to see you once again...

i wonder if you'd still look at me with some pain in your eyes...while i try hard to keep my feelings in disguise...maybe you'd say something funny just to break the ice...and maybe for a second i would be feigning surprise...

maybe we'd both fake a smile and say the appropriate lines...pretend everything is fine just like the good old times...

"hello sweetie, not happy to see me?"...you'll say as you grab me in a warm tight hug...

i'll probably hold on trying not to let go too soon..."it's good to see you, it's been quite a while"...

"so how have you been?...you changed a great deal!"...would i hear the same hint of concern?...

"i'm tired but i'm ok...but hey! you're looking fine"...

"life is good...i finally got my peace of mind"...

and that's when it will hit that you're over me...and all that are left now are bits of memories...i'll step back trying not to make it worse by saying another word...

"i have to go, maybe we should catch up another time"...at this point, i can't stop the tears running down my cheeks...i'll stand rooted to the spot...too shocked to move and falling apart...

"goodbye sweetie"...then you'll turn your back...

we'll both walk away...we'll try to spare each other pain...we'll try not to feel...pretend this is not real...until finally, silence moves in to save us from this hell...

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My Miracle Find...

my heart lets out a silent scream...trying to reach you...it's you and me in my mind lately...wish i don't have to think about it, any more than i have to...it's out of my control, though...you invade my thoughts at my worst times...flashes of things, things we talked about...i don't cry about it, far from it...i don't lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and ask it why...i don't ask questions...well, not anymore...but i think about it...i think about you...

i think of those times i shared my thoughts with you...with you who actually know what i mean...who read my mind and finish my phrases before i even have the chance to blurt them out...you don't find the things i say intriguing or strange...you feel them as i do...and most of all, more than anything, you understand and accept me the way i am...

in your most strange way, you taught me not to waste life...that no matter how bad things get, it isn't worth it...you made me see that there's still beauty left in places...that i just have to turn my head another angle to see it...sometimes, it's shattered like broken glass, but you showed me how to arrange it like a puzzle for it to make sense...for the picture to become clear...

even if i never hear your voice when i talk to you as i sit alone in my room, i still feel your lingering presence...you're always there in the deep recesses of my mind...and when the world is fast asleep, i am never alone...for you are always with me, my miracle find...always...

When I feel like the world's gone mad

And I need you so bad

But I don't know where you are

I cry these tears

On our own we've been so far

We've sworn at the moon

And we've counted a million stars

My love's still true

Friends have come and gone

Some have left me alone

But I've stared at these walls before

And they've made me blue

All along in my heart I've known

There's one thing in my life

That still rings true

I can count on you

Count on you to be there

No questions in the air

No asking why or where

No looking back

Count on you every time

To ease my worried mind

You'll forever be important to me

My miracle find

If I had to choose one place

To spend the rest of my days

Anywhere will do

Long as it's close to you

Now oh now

We've travelled so far

Yet I'm right back where you are

Just me and you

Now and forever more

As the years go by

I'm beginning to see that I

Can count on you

~ Count on You by Tommy Shaw ~

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To Love Again...

why do we love?...it's reassuring yet scary to think that we are ready to do everything...that we are willing to give everything for love...knowing it may not last...and then, maybe we have to hold on to pain...so we can let go...and start all over again...for that is the point of living...to know and feel that you loved...and that you've been loved...

everyone lost someone they loved...may it be to death or circumstances...everyone gets hurt...and the world has no obligation to protect us from pain...not because we are good...or kind-hearted...that we are going to be spared from hurts...or from being left behind or betrayed...it doesn't work that way...but still we choose to love again...you choose it over and over again...because if you don't it's as if you choose not to live...

so my journey continues...i will find you...you who have the courage to love again in spite of the hurts...you who are ready to risk everything...you who will give me the strength to fall in love again...you who understand what is in my heart...i will find you...even if there is no assurance that our story will end with "I LOVE YOU"...

There's a saying old, says that love is blind

Still we're often told, "seek and ye shall find"

So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet

He's the big affair I cannot forget

Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram

Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longing to see

I hope that he, turns out to be

Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood

I know I could, always be good

To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some

Girls think of as handsome

To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed

Follow my lead, oh, how I need

Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me

~ Someone to Watch Over Me by Ella Fitzgerald ~

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Cerebrate!...

shhhhhhh...i'm currently trying to propagate this unicameral form of idiosyncrasy malevolently lodged within the meritorious enclave of my cloistral cerebral cortex...

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To Love or Not to Love...

just wondering...can life be lived without love?...or is there a way to love and not get hurt?...

I don't know...I just want to love and be loved...I want to trust someone with my deepest thoughts...share with someone intimate moments...I need someone to soothe my soul when I hurt...without even saying a word...just being there...I need someone to love me despite my flaws...and love someone back in spite of his...I want to be able to love when I am away...and when I am close...I want my love to give wings...not shackles and chains...I want to love always...for it is never an option for me not to acknowledge the presence of love...

Is there anyone there who understands?...to love or not to love, that is the question...what is your answer?...

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Perfect Strangers...

it's amazing how a person can spill the deepest feelings...the innermost thoughts...the darkest secrets with someone...how one can share the "true self" with another person...i used to wonder...can anyone really reveal one's self completely to any person?...bare one's soul?...and by doing so set one's self free...i realized one big thing...you can be yourself...however weird it may be...in front of a stranger...and pour out everything you always wanted to scream out but never had the guts nor the chance to...and it's so wonderful to see the reflection of yourself in someone else's eyes...in the eyes of this perfect stranger...

An afternoon of sad affairs

Shared in the hope of mending broken dreams

The constant struggle after simple pleasures

Finds us perfect strangers you and I

You know I hate to see you cry

And through the tears that fall like winter rain

You say you're tired of merely just surviving

We've so much in common that we're

Chorus

Perfect strangers singing perfectly in tune

From separate corners of the room

Held together by our hunger to get by

Perfect strangers you and I

Let's make a toast to no regrets

Wet down the painful sting of sweet love lost

Let evening find us whispering in our whiskey

Come and sit beside me for a while

You know I love to see you smile

And if perhaps you're only passing through

At least we tried to reach an understanding

And for just one moment we were

Perfect strangers singing perfectly in tune

From separate corners of the room

Held together by our hunger to get by

Perfect strangers you and I

~ Perfect Strangers by Neil Sedaka ~

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Here's Looking at YOU...

Have you ever found yourself engrossed in watching a stranger without meaning to? Something interesting must have caught your attention.

Many a times, while seated in one corner of a restaurant and waiting for a friend, I'd realize I have been watching the other customers. There'd be a group probably celebrating an occasion...a couple deep in conversation...a family eating out...

Or in a coffee shop, just after lunch, on a comfy sofa while gazing out the glass window, I'd watch the passers-by. There'd be the officemates hurrying back to work with cellphone neck straps advertising their company...some students in uniform busy with their gadgets...an old couple holding hands...ladyboys looking more gorgeous than real ladies, tall and slim in stilettos, garbed in the latest fashion trends...strolling couples lost in their own world...busy people going about their own lives...

Or at the park, sitting in a bench, I would notice that there'd be others occupying the scattered benches, mostly couples. Sometimes, it's even hard not to get wrapped up in someone else's conversation or public disagreement.

People-watching have become one of my favorite hobbies. Although I seldom do it actively, I often find myself doing it subconsciously. I guess most of us probably do...at the malls, inside a public transport, at the beach, inside the church...

We are all different in what we take in when we observe people. Something peculiar, unusual, unique or that really stands out usually catches our attention. While some are into general appearance, some would remember exact details, others are into body language. 

You, when you people-watch, are you a generalist who absorbs everything? Or are you interested in details? 

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Illusion...

we are submerged in this world with a REASON...in this place which allows FREEDOM of expression...we are kindred SOULS...yet, your answers are not for me to find...as you seek your own awareness, set your THOUGHTS free...unlock the VIVID sparkles of creativity...speak to me with words, about EMOTION in all its forms...let your soul break its silence...SOAR with me awhile in lucid BLISS...that I may learn and be inspired...let me have a glimpse to your MIND...don't be scared that you'll be judged...it's just one side of your DIMENSION...FEAR is only in our minds...let it not control your explicit imagination and put a LIMIT to your psyche...let your literally stream FLOW into infinity...it shall live long after it has been READ...as I was and am still...HERE...

Searching for a destiny that's mine 

There's another place another time.

Touching many hearts along the way

Hoping that I'll never have to say

It's just an illusion - illusion - illusion.

Follow your emotions anywhere

Is it really magic in the air?

Never let your feelings get you down

Open up your eyes and look around

It's just an illusion - illusion - illusion.

Could it be that it's just an illusion 

Putting me back in all this confusion?

Could it be that it's just an illusion now?

Could it be that it's just an illusion 

Putting me back in all this confusion?

Could it be that it's just an illusion now?

Could it be a picture in my mind? 

Never sure exactly what I'll find

Only in my dreams I turn you on

Here for just a moment then you're gone.

It's just an illusion - illusion - illusion.

Could it be that it's just an illusion 

Putting me back in all this confusion?

Could it be that it's just an illusion now?

Could it be that it's just an illusion 

Putting me back in all this confusion?

Could it be that it's just an illusion now? 

~ Just An Illusion by Imagination ~

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